This Is Happiness: I
by Wintreaux
Summary: It takes some time, but eventually they'll get there. - Sheldon/Penny -
1. I

**I.**

* * *

_The evening after her audition goes like this:_

She pushes the door to 4A open unceremoniously, she's tired and her feet hurt.

The audition process for the commercial Hollywood producers were pushing was intense, she had to stop and remind herself that it wasn't an audition to join the CIA because of their intense interviewing process. Now, after a grueling five hours, it was time for her to go home and just relax. But as she is ascending the staircase to her apartment, she remembered she hadn't had the time to go grocery shopping, her fridge was empty. The rumbling of her stomach didn't help the case either.

As she landed on the fourth floor, her nose picked up the scent of cheesy pizza from 4A and she found her feet making their way to the apartment her boys lived in.

"Hey, Penny," an eager Leonard greets her from his spot in the living room. Penny smiles at him politely, noting they were watching an episode of Star Trek she vaguely remembers. She didn't have the brain power to think too much right now, she was hungry.

She stepped over Raj and plopped onto the couch beside Sheldon, who had yet to greet her. Popping open the box, she saw two slices left and it was Sheldon who finally spoke, "I figured you'd be arriving back home soon. Knowing your financial status, and your inability to save money or plan accordingly, I assumed you had no food in your refrigerator. I planned on wrapping them up and leaving it in the refrigerator for you, I suppose this was the better alternative."

He didn't take his eyes off the television as he spoke, and Penny rolled her eyes but still picked up the slices anyway. Who was she to deny free food? Especially when she was practically salivating at the mouth. Taking a larger bite than she felt comfortable admitting, she replied, "Thanks, Sweetie."

Sheldon grimaced, "I know you don't have a proper education, Penny, but I do believe it's common sense and curtesy to know it's impolite to speak with your mouth full," he chastised her.

Leonard spoke before she could, "Cut her a break, Sheldon, she's probably just tired from her audition."

"Well I hope her audition wasn't for a commercial on mannerisms," he then looked at Penny, "Cause then I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but don't expect a call back."

All Penny could do was open her mouth slightly, showing Sheldon the chewed-up pepperoni in her mouth, to shut him up.

* * *

_This was progress:_

She was in her own world, Doritos in her hand and the Kardashian's on her television set, when she heard the rapid knocking in threes. "Penny!" The voice called out.

She sighed deeply and thought about leaving him there to his own devices. Sheldon was a smart man he could figure, whatever his problem was, out on his own. Then, the knocking started all over again. Smart, yes. Persistent, even more.

"Yes, Sheldon?" She couldn't keep the irritation out of her voice. It had been a week and two days, since her audition and the casting agents said they'd call her back within a week if she got the part. She just wanted to wallow in her failure alone.

The taller man laced his fingers behind his back and forced himself to ignore the cheesy finger stains on her shirt, he could tell she wasn't in a good mood and contemplated on coming back at a later date but decided there was no time like the present.

"I have a dinner this coming Saturday evening."

Penny nodded her head, "Yeah, I heard Leonard speaking about that. Something about tendered or something, right?" She offered half interested. Sheldon sighed deeply, "_Tenure_, Penny. However, yes."

She looked at him expectantly, "And?"

"For some reason, social protocol calls for me to bring a date. Apparently, that would make me a more likely candidate, my education be damned," he grumbled the ending, "Amy Farrah Fowler, as you know, is in New Jersey for a funeral. She won't be able to attend with me."

She offered a small smile, "Oh, that's nice."

There was a pause. She wasn't sure what he was getting at, but whatever it was, she wanted him to hurry up.

"So, are you busy then?"

"Sorry?"

"Saturday evening, are you busy?" He hated repeating himself, but he was asking her for a favour, so he supposed he'd do it this one time.

She stared at him in shock, "No, I don't think so."

He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, "Well it's a black-tie event, be ready for six." She assumed that was as close to an invitation she was going to be getting.

She went to the dinner, a ball of nerves sitting in the pit of her stomach. After the initial shock value of Sheldon asking her to accompany him tonight, wore off. She was finally able to think about the situation, why hadn't Leonard asked her? It was revealed Leonard didn't believe he qualified for the position, so rather put himself up for failure, he stayed in the lane he believed was his.

Sheldon didn't blame him.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," she commented once they reached the landing of the fourth floor. Sheldon gave her a weary look but said nothing as he walked her the few steps to her door.

She dug around her purse for her keys, the entire time aware of Sheldon's fiery stare on her back, once she found them, she opened her door and stepped into the apartment, "Thanks for tonight, Sweetie."

It looked like he hesitated for a moment, but finally he said, "I suppose you attending the dinner with me tonight, did help my chances." She looked at him curiously, "I did hear the committee take interest in us. Most of it banal chit-chat, but what I surmise was you made me appear more human. Likeable."

Her smile grew at that, "Goodnight, Sweetie."

Sheldon offered a nod and turned on his heel, opening his own door and shutting it behind him.

* * *

_Most people believe it should go like this:_

They realize their feelings for each other at rather inconvenient times. She's with Leonard, he's with Amy. They're best friends, it shouldn't be this way, they shouldn't feel like this. They start to avoid each other, she stops attending Laundry Night, he doesn't complain when she misses a handful of Pizza Nights. He doesn't even complain about the two extra slices that go to waste, because they would be for her. Amy notices first, then Leonard. Eventually, they were bound to bump into each other, and it happens when Sheldon was home alone. Penny was looking for Leonard.

They argue about something, Sheldon's a smart-ass, Penny is uneducated, it doesn't matter. Because they're kissing. And suddenly there's too much clothes between them, and they can't get close enough.

They have sex. They tell their friends; they tell their families. Surprisingly, he tells her he loves her first during his acceptance speech of the Nobel Prize, she cries and kisses him then tells him the same, except she's also pregnant. He proposes.

They live happily ever after.

Curtain falls.

* * *

_This wasn't a dream:_

It's two months after the dinner, and Sheldon found out he got tenure. Just as he suspected he would. He's living on a high, and honestly nothing can bring it down. He looks at the clock and sees it's nearing his bedtime, so he takes his leave from the couch and goes on with his routine.

It's nearly midnight when his bedroom door creaks open and a head of blonde hair peaks through. She sniffles, and he stops himself from telling her people can't be in his room. The rules never did apply to her anyways.

"Penny?"

She stands there for a moment, hesitating, before finally walking over to the mad scientist and getting into his bed. She lays beside him, and after an internal scream match with his head and his heart he decides to ignore his mind, and he lays down with her. Both facing each other, but not touching. "I'm sorry," she apologizes, and he doesn't really know why.

"I know you don't like anyone in your room, and I know it's even worse that I'm in your bed…" she trailed off, "But I just needed someone, and I can't go to Leonard. Not for this." He sees the unshed tears in her eyes, thanks to the moonlit sky piercing through his curtains, and it almost breaks his heart at how vulnerable she looks. "What's wrong?"

She sighs deeply, "I know I didn't get the part," she tells him, "The one I auditioned for a couple months ago. It was obvious after two weeks passed by and no one called me, I could deal with that. I've been rejected before," her breath is shaky. "Apparently what I couldn't handle was my agent calling me and telling me he quits. Evidently, he'd never worked with someone who failed so much, much less a blonde female because we're always in high-demand."

That's when his heart broke for her. What kind of agent did stuff like that? He knew he wasn't well versed in her world, but he knew that wasn't protocol. He suddenly felt like writing a strongly worded letter to this agent and his office. He really wished he could blow people's minds up.

"Penny…" was all he could say.

She shook her head, "No, it's ok Sheldon. You don't have to say anything; I know you aren't good with emotions and feelings. Just…just sleep." He felt some sort of relief when she said that. He didn't know what he wanted to say to her, he couldn't find the words. So, instead he leaned over and grabbed her a tissue. She wiped at her face roughly, and the last thing he remembered was hearing her soft snores and thinking it was one of the most soothing noises he's heard in a long time.

When he woke up, she was gone. He wasn't surprised, but he was slightly disappointed, which shocked him. He couldn't even be sure the whole thing was real, because he woke up in the middle of his bed feeling refreshed. Like it was one of the best sleeps he had in a long time.

The only thing telling him it wasn't a dream was the balled-up Kleenex on the floor by his bed.

"Thanks," she murmured quietly the next time he saw her. She looked better, but he could still see the sadness in her eyes.

It's Thai food Night, and everyone is lounging around. He feels slightly awkward but refuses to acknowledge Penny was in fact in his bed with him because if he did acknowledge that, then he would be forced to acknowledge the fact he didn't mind it at all.

He looks at the coffee table in front of them and says, "You really should use a coaster, Penny." She knew it was his way of saying 'you're welcome' and grabs the Coke can and puts it on the coaster with a small smile.

That's all she needed to hear.

* * *

_The first month of summer comes and it starts like this:_

"Maybe these commercials aren't your thing, Penny…" Leonard says softly.

She shoots him a look, and he knows he was better off keeping his mouth closed. It wasn't that he wasn't supportive of Penny's dreams and goals, but he was a rational person. Even he knew when to give up. The last thing he wanted was for Penny to waste her life trying to fit into Hollywood in a way she didn't belong. And once he thought about it, that was actually really sweet of him, so why was she so mad for?

"You might be used to giving up, Leonard," she sniped, "But I have goals and aspirations. Just because some ass-hat tells me I'm not what he's looking for, doesn't mean the next person won't like me."

And just because he was already digging his grave he said, "But did they?"

Her mouth hung at his question. She knew it was rhetorical, but damn since when did Leonard get so mean? She didn't have a response for him, because although she knew he was right, she didn't want to keep hearing it. After her last agent dropped her, she spent an entire month looking for a new one. One that fit her and her needs, and yes it put a rather sizeable dent into her wallet, but she felt like this was all worth it. She was building towards something.

"I believe in you, Penny."

The words were random and took she and Leonard by shock. She looked at the taller man beside her, "Thanks, Sweetie." He nodded, "If I were to give up on my dreams, I wouldn't be here today. We're dreamers, Penny." He stated before looking at his roommate, "Leonard, you should already know about that, your mother had to give up on her dreams because of you."

Leonard folded his arms stubbornly. If it wasn't for the extreme heat wave washing over Pasadena right now, he would've left, he didn't feel the need to stay here and be ganged up on by team _Shenny_. So, rolling his eyes he stood to his feet, "I was only saying because I care," he reiterated before going into his room, maybe Leslie Winkle wanted to share her AC?

There was a moment of silence before Sheldon looked at Penny.

"I meant what I said, about believing in you."

She nodded her head, "I know. You don't say stuff unless you mean it."

"Correct," but then he added, "so believe me when I tell you, maybe Leonard was right." She looked at him shocked, he had just done a complete one-eighty and it left her dizzy. Upon seeing her facial response, he quickly corrected himself, "In terms of commercials, I mean," he started up, "Maybe commercials aren't your thing. I do believe you're underestimating yourself quite a bit. You have far too much talent to limit yourself to commercials about pimple cream, and toilet cleaner."

She looked at him closely, Sheldon was essentially saying the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to her and she didn't know how to take it. "So, if not commercials…" she trailed off, she didn't want to assume because she'd be embarrassed if she was wrong, "Shows," he finished.

"Sheldon, if I can't get a callback for a fifteen second commercial, what makes you think I can do a show?" She shook her head in disbelief and went back to fanning herself.

The taller man looked at her profile, "Because I believe in your talent."

It was a simple sentence, but it still made her actions stop.

"You should too," he told her simply.


	2. II

**II.**

* * *

_The rest of the summer went like this:_

Penny was feeling a lot happier than she had been in the past few months. No, she hadn't been booked for a show, but she had been taking Sheldon's advice. Throwing commercials away, all she asked to be screened for were shows. No particular genre. It wasn't like commercials though; auditions were scarce and far between. She expected this and picked up a lot more hours at the cheesecake factory. Despite hating her waitressing job, she had to be honest with herself; it was a one in a million chance she'd get any type of role on a show.

Getting her out of her slump was fairly easy, Sheldon thought. Though he wasn't a believer in therapy and much of creative arts, he could respect them. Especially when it came to Penny. So, he told her about the 'Writing Therapy' he himself, once took part in. It was when he was feeling a lot less confident in himself and his research, he would take to pen and paper, or his laptop, and just write how he feels. He wouldn't send it to anybody, but he would just write all his emotions out and feel better by the end of it.

She wanted help though, she wanted someone to have an insight of her mind. When words failed her, she wanted someone to be able to read how she felt. So, writing she did, but after she'd also email them to Sheldon. He never did reply to them, but she knew he read them all.

He did.

Sheldon stepped out of CalTech, the sun blinding him as it beat down on his skin. Leonard wasn't able to drive him home today because he finished earlier than normal, being tenure, he was capable of leaving as he pleased -so as long he completed his work. Penny offered to pick him up because she was off from work today, he had no objections.

His eyes landed on the small car parked out in front of the building a few feet in front of him, she was laying on the hood of her car, her back against the windshield, sunglasses on her head as she blew bubbles with her bubble gum. Sheldon was aware of the stares she got, shorts so short it exposed all of her tanned legs, and tank-top so revealing if she moved wrong, he was sure the scientists from the anatomy lab would finally see their first real life body part.

He hurried to her.

"What are you doing?"

She glanced up at him once she heard his voice and slid off the car, "Tanning."

He narrowed his eyes, but just waited for her to unlock the door. She walked around towards the driver side and looked at him from over the roof of her car, she smiled sweetly, "Hey."

Slowly his face relaxed, "Hello."

* * *

_This how Sheldon reacts when he found out Penny had a date:_

He heard her door open and then like clock-work, theirs did too.

She was smiling.

He paid her no mind as he continued on his laptop, if he knew his roommate he'd be—

"Hey, Penny," Leonard smiled. He was still wary of her since his remark about her career, as he should be. Penny did forgive him, but she didn't forget.

She smiled, "Hey, you guys," she kissed each of their cheeks, and neither complained. She moved to their fridge and grabbed a water bottle, placing it on her neck and forehead. Summer was winding down, but damn it was still hot.

"Why are you so happy? Did you get a callback?" Leonard asked hesitantly. Penny gave him a look before carrying on, "No, I just came back from a date actually."

Sheldon's ears perked up at the sound and decided this conversation was worth his while after all. "A date?" Leonard repeated, "Oh."

She nodded, "It's been a long time, and honestly I felt like I wasn't ready…but he was a nice guy, a teacher, and he didn't want to take me to dinner like men usually do. He wanted an afternoon date; we went to the pier and then the fair. I actually had a pleasant time," she informed both men with a smile on her face, "I hope he calls."

Sheldon couldn't help the bitterness that raised in his throat. He didn't know why he felt this way, but he did. Was it justified? No. But for once he wasn't thinking rationally, he just wasn't. "He probably won't."

Both people turned to look at him, "Excuse me?" The taller scientist looked Penny in her eyes, he could see her euphoria dying as he spoke, and he couldn't help himself, "Knowing your rap sheet, statistically speaking he won't call back. I used to think it was the type of men you chose, the big meat heads with the large biceps and small brains. That would've been the logical thing to think anyways, because what do those men have to bring to the table besides protein powder and condoms? But, with much more thought, I realized the common denominator is you, Penny."

Penny felt her anger rising, what was his problem?

"What the hell, Sheldon?"

It was Leonard who said that.

Sheldon just shrugged, "I am nothing if not a man of science and facts, I won't lie."

Penny stood to her feet, she and Sheldon hadn't fought in such a long time and she was actually happy with that knowledge. She was glad their friendship was getting a lot better and more solid; she was confident in saying he was her best friend. So, she didn't know where any of this was coming from. She came here under the pretense they would be happy for her, for once she was feeling great and before Sheldon told her he was pleased over her news, he tore her down?

"Clearly you're barely a man if you feel the need to tear other people down for the heck of it," she spat at him in her own vicious tone.

Sheldon expected the rebuttal but sighed, "Penny you cannot be mad at me because of your lack of success when it comes to relationships. I'm only stating what's known, the probability of this man calling you back is slim to none, so I'm only informing you, so you don't spend your days waiting by the phone."

Scoffing at him, she stormed to the door, "You know what," she said before she left, "I actually thought we were becoming good friends and I'm sad to say I was wrong. You're nothing but a bully with a vast vocabulary."

She was slamming the door behind her.

He comes out of CalTech a week later feeling _different_. He's making big important steps in his research, but he can't be happy about it and he doesn't know why.

So, he's shocked when he sees her leaning against the hood of her car, much like the last time. This time, she sees him and comes off first. She doesn't really know what to say to him, because it was Leonard who asked her to pick him, he had a date with Leslie Winkle or something. She wanted to say no, because it had been a week since their fight, but something inside of her couldn't pass up the chance of having Sheldon rely on her, he needed her to bring him home. She had the leverage.

So, she says, "You were wrong."

"Excuse me?"

She shrugs her shoulders and walks towards him, "You were wrong. He did call me back, the same night actually. We went on a second date." Sheldon's eyes darkened, but his face didn't change. Was there a reason to her telling him all of this?

"I'm glad."

"He was actually really boring. He admitted he wasn't really a teacher, so that was a disappointment." Sheldon raised an eyebrow, "So it won't work out because he's not a teacher?"

She shook her head, "No. It won't work out because he lied to me, I don't like false pretenses."

He searches her eyes, and she's being honest, he could tell. Her eyes are large and green, and there's another emotion behind them, he just can't place it. "I'm sorry it didn't work out then."

She smiles at him, and it's the first time he's seen her smile in a week, and it does something to him. "Well, I guess I just wasn't ready for dating again. My own fault, I guess."

He doesn't believe her, "Perhaps," it's him that's not ready for relationships. Penny was always ready to commit fully and completely. Maybe he should take a page out of her book.

"So, are we going home or are we going to dilly-dally further?" He looks at the watch on his wrist, breaking whatever moment they were having.

She chuckles lightly and he feels the dark cloud surrounding him, lift. He could finally breathe again.

* * *

_This is the sound of the foundation building:_

Everyone is sitting around during Pizza Night. Amy, and Bernadette as well. However, she came late and when she entered, she saw Amy sitting beside Sheldon, in her usual seat. Rather than tell her to get up, she sat beside Raj on the floor by the front door. Everything was going well, until Bernadette spoke up, "So, Penny, I heard you had a date," Sheldon stuttered for a moment.

Penny nods, "Yeah," she looks at Sheldon.

"How was it, Bestie?"

"It was good," she shrugs.

"Just good?" Howard tries to hide his chuckle. Penny nods again, "Yeah, just good."

"Well will you two be seeing each other again?" Bernadette pushes.

Penny tilts her head slightly as she thinks about it, "We never discussed it, but he has my number and knows where I live, so maybe…" she says honestly as she takes another bite of her pizza. Sheldon is staring into his plate, frustration radiating off of him.

"Is he cute?" Amy grins.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Is he into you?" It was Raj who asked this time, having downed a beer already.

She sighs, "He's really shy and nervous though, but I think he's into me."

Bernadette, Raj, and Amy squeal excitedly, "Are you into him?"

Penny could barely hide her grin now, "Yeah."

Sheldon swallows the last of his pizza, his heart falls into his stomach and he swears he could barely breathe.

"What did you do on your first date?" Howard asked, now drawn into the conversation.

"We went to dinner, he was having something special at work," she trailed off, "A black tie-event."

Sheldon looks up surprised, but Penny's kind of winking at him…in a weird, discreet, Penny-type of way.

"I wish he'd tell me he was into me though, instead of being rude all the time." She sighs as she plays with a piece of pepperoni.

"Rude?" Leonard questioned.

"No. Not rude. I just feel like he feels he's being pulled into two different directions. I think he's scared, but I don't know why. Maybe he's scared because it would be his first committed relationship, it would be real. Or maybe he's scared because he thinks I'm not ready and he's waiting," she stated simply, "I would tell him that I was though, if he wasn't so closed off."

"He's probably a wimp," Howard offered with a grin.

Penny shook her head, "No. Not a wimp," she says softly. Sheldon doesn't look her in the eye, but suddenly he can't stop smiling at his plate.

Everyone had left, and Penny felt like she needed air. She did a lot more talking than she thought she would, and she needed to get out. So, she found herself on the roof looking at the stars in the sky. Maybe she could hide out here and no one would find her, she probably just ruined her friendship with Sheldon and things would be awkward for—

"I'm not a wimp."

She feels him walk up beside her, and she leans her head against his arm because he was too tall for her to reach his shoulder, "No, you're not."

He's afraid to move, because was this real?

"I want to hear you say it first, I need you to."

She doesn't move, because maybe she's unsure if this was real too and maybe they're both afraid that if they move it would wake them up. Maybe they're still fighting.

"I'm not ready to date anyone, but whatever this is…I want it," she told him honestly.

He nods, but then realizes she can't see him, "Ok."

It's quiet, but then she says, "I like you."

He doesn't know how to respond, because he's never been in a situation like this before but when it came to Penny usually the gut feeling was the correct one, so he turns his head slightly and kisses the top of her head, "I like you."

They stay up on the roof for an hour more, content with their lives and the way it was going. Maybe things would get better.

But Sheldon can't help but think somehow the universe was testing him, he was never granted the privilege of having more than one thing in his life that made him happy. He couldn't help but fear how it would all come crashing down.

She noticed his face fall.

"It'll be okay. We'll find a way," she sounds confident and he believes her.

Because he couldn't handle it if she was wrong.


	3. III

**Hi, just a little authors note pertaining to a review I received. I usually would've messaged the person in their inbox, but unfortunately, they made it so I'm unable to do so which is beyond me because why ask a question if I'm unable to answer? So…here you go.**

**Hi, Lobo189,**

**I dislike Leonard because of his personality. I won't go into detail, because I don't have anything to prove to you. If you like him, cool, but I do not. Sure, it would be nice to have Leonard not move into 4A, but unfortunately, he's there and that's how I've written MY story. Keyword, MY. Once again, in MY story I made it known Beverly had to give up a dream to provide for Leonard. Why? Cause it's MY story. Are you noticing a theme? (MY).**

**Lastly, we'll never know if I could last a day living with Sheldon, why? Because TBBT is a TV SHOW, it's fake. Sheldon, Penny, Leonard…they're all FAKE. **

**Which brings me to my conclusion, why are you letting fictional characters bend you out of shape? Are you that invested in the show that it just grinds your gears when someone writes him unfavourably? Does it just frustrate you so when little ole' me writes a story that contributes to the already THOUSANDS of stories out there? **

**This story is categorized as a Sheldon/Penny story. So, I don't know why you even bothered to come here? Besides, Leonard isn't even written viciously in my story. So why are you whining in my review section? In short, I'll write whomever however I please, and there's nothing you nor any other Lenny shipper/Leonard lover can do about it. So, do us both a favour and skip over any of my potential stories in the future. Please don't take up space with this nonsense any longer. Go read stories you enjoy and leave me alone.**

**Matter of fact, I just learned how to block people.**

**As always, thanks for the story traffic.**

* * *

**III.**

* * *

_This is what happens when you get what you want:_

Sheldon grinned once he heard his apartment door open, swiveling his chair he looked to see Penny walk through the threshold and straight to him. She stood in front of him with her cellphone in hand, she looked nervous and her eyes were wide, circular.

"And?"

It was like she finally noticed he was right in front of her, and she looked down at him. She nodded slowly, "I…I think I can update my resumé now," she stated simply. Sheldon's grin widened.

Penny had gone to another audition, and she left feeling down. She was certain she did terrible, she only got through half of the script before they told her to stop, rather abruptly. She felt defeated, especially when she saw all the blonde's in the holding room. She didn't stand a chance, and she was really starting to think over Leonard's advice. They told her the same thing; in a week they'd call her if she got the part. It had been a week and a half, and nothing. It wasn't until the twelfth day, today, her phone rang, and it was her agent. She had gotten the part.

Sheldon stood to his feet, "I'm so happy for you, Penny, I knew you could do it." He told her honestly, "I never doubted your abilities for a moment."

Grinning widely, she leaned up onto her toes and pressed her lips to his own. It had been a month since they admitted to liking each other, and things were going well. Both agreed to not think so much about their relationship. No, it wasn't a secret, but they both preferred to not tell anyone or flaunt their relationship. It was still new, and both were still figuring things out.

"I too have good news," Sheldon told her, his hands resting on her hips. He quickly discovered it was his favourite place to have them. "Gablehauser called, the grant to further push my research was approved. With this money I'll be able to discover things I was in capable of doing before," he smiled.

Penny hugged him, she didn't understand the world of physics, and Sheldon knew this. But she tried to understand it for him, she always listened with undivided attention and made sure to ask questions when she didn't understand anything. He appreciated that about her, he knew their intellect levels were different beyond compare, but Penny tried her best and that was more than he could say for anyone else in his life.

She pulled away from the hug and then glanced up at him, her smile now gone, "But there is something I have to discuss with you," she told him and as she led him to the leather sofa.

He could tell it was important due to her sudden change of emotion and waited for her to continue, "The show starts filming next week, I know it's extremely last minute but apparently the network is pushing for the pilot to be out before the end of the year."

His eyebrows furrowed, "Ok, that's not a problem, Penny. If anything, that means you'll be getting paid a lot sooner than we thought, that's a good thing."

She sighed, "Sheldon, the first part of filming takes place in Canada, for a month."

It was like he finally got it, and he frowned. "Oh."

"I mean, the way I look at it is it's a lot shorter than your time in the Arctic," she tried to smooth it over. Sheldon shook his head, "But that was before I've come to crave your touch," he said simply.

Penny felt her stomach flip and her heart flutter, she loved the way he was capable of saying the most romantic things as if it was a normal daily occurrence, she frowned as she thought about it. She didn't want to be away from him either. "For as long as I remember, I've always wanted you gone," she said to no one particular, "And just when I realize I want you, I have to go."

She leaves with a heavy heart a week later, the feeling of Sheldon's hands permanently burnt into her skin, and his kisses lingering on all the places her clothes cover. She blushes a deep shade of red when she remembers how Sheldon made sure she wouldn't forget him.

* * *

_This is called separation anxiety:_

Insert split screen. Penny and Sheldon both hesitating with their phones in their hands and then placing the device down and walking away.

They both wanted to call each other, the distance between them too much. She missed the way he held her as she fell asleep, and the way he kissed the crown of her head at the most random times. He missed the way her small hand fit into his larger one, and the way her eyes lit up at the sight of him. Her smile, God her smile was beautiful.

He finds his courage at midnight, it's late, he knows. He also knows she's awake because she recently tweeted about a restless night of sleep, and he feels the same way. It brings his mind some sort of peace.

"I hate Canada," he hears her laugh, and he knows it's not at him but with him and his chest grows warm. She sighs and he swears he could feel her breath against him, he closes his eyes and imagines it. She's in his _The Flash_ shirt, it's long, and her hair is in a messy bun. She looks beautiful, and he wants to kiss her.

"Twenty more days," she tells him, and her voice sounds forced.

They fall into silence, "I couldn't forget even if I wanted to." Stupid eidetic memory.

"How is everyone?" She asks. _How are you?_

"Missing you. How are you?" He questions.

"Missing you," she says, and his heart feels like it's ripping. It takes a lot of self-restraint to not purchase a ticket to Canada.

"Oh…"

She gets it, "Goodnight," she says softly, and they smile as they end the call.

He sleeps easily.

Filming takes so much of her energy; she can barely keep her eyes open when she gets back to her hotel room. She knew commercials took a bit of her energy, but a week tops and they were done. TV shows were the big league, and she was starting to feel the effects on her body. If she wasn't filming, she was sleeping, and she could barely differentiate between the two. However, between the two she was thinking about a tall scientist, and sometimes it prevented her from sleeping. She once forgot her lines because of him.

So, she tells him.

"Excuse me?"

She chuckles lightly, "I miss you too much, Sweetie." She picks at a loose thread on her pillow, "It's been three weeks, I come home in a week and I'm acting like I'll never see you again. I don't want to be one of those girls who can't live without their boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

Her cheeks heat, "Shut up."

"I'm your boyfriend?" He's teasing her, and it kind of lifts the awkward air. It's the first time he said the word without feeling a sense of panic. When Amy Farrah Fowler mentioned the word, he felt like jumping countries. He had to get away, and far. When Penny said it, he wanted to hear her say it again.

"Well, as your boyfriend I advise you to throw your all into the last week of filming. That way you'll be too tired to even think about anything else besides sleep, by the time you wake up it'll be time to come home and Leonard and I will be at the airport collecting you."

Penny tilts her head, his words going in one ear and out the other, "Do you miss me?"

He hums jokingly, "I don't know, I'm kind of enjoying having milk in the morning."

She grins, "Just wait, you'll miss me so much you won't even know what to do with yourself," she hangs up on him and he hears dial tone. He's okay with it though because he knows she's not mad.

"I already do," is a whisper he doesn't say, except he does.

He's at the airport like he promised, and Leonard is beside him, somewhere. He sees her before she sees him, and he's calling her name. Leonard is looking at him as if he has two heads but says nothing. Partly because he doesn't feel like it and partly because Penny had dropped her luggage and ran into Sheldon's arms. Sheldon doesn't complain.

He frowns, and his eyebrows furrow. He wants to say something, but the moment feels intimate and he doesn't know what's going on.

"Hey," she whispers into his chest. He kisses the crown of her head and she nearly melts, "Hey," he replies.

* * *

_This is the sound of the foundation cracking:_

Penny is in her apartment; it's been two weeks since she came back from filming and they have a small break before they start filming again in Los Angeles. Sheldon's at work, he's working overtime because of a breakthrough or something. She doesn't mind, because it gives her time to think.

She's in his _The Flash_ shirt, and her hair is in a messy bun, laptop opened in between her legs.

They've been involved with each other for some time now, and although she's happy she's also scared. Their relationship is real, and she feels real and committed but it's so much at once she doesn't know if she's _ready_ for that.

So, she writes an email to herself. She writes about her intense feelings that scare her, and their relationship. She writes about how she's scared and when there's distance in between them she's _unsure_. She doesn't tell him about it though, she won't send this one to him because she doesn't know what it means, but she thinks she should.

She falls asleep.

Sheldon comes home, and before going into his apartment he makes his way to Penny's apartment. He doesn't knock, he's passed that now. He uses his own key. He travels the familiar path to her bedroom and sees her there lying in bed, her laptop open beside her with an email he hasn't seen before.

Although he wants to wake her up and kiss her senseless. His curiosity gets the best of him and he turns his eyes to the laptop screen. After the first line he doesn't hesitate to bring the laptop to his lap and read the lengthy email.

Penny wakes up, she sees Sheldon sitting at the foot of her bed staring at her intensely. His eyes darkened, but not with lust…with something else. "You're home." He doesn't move, so neither does she.

"I'm here."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" She questioned; her voice hoarse. She stretches when he doesn't answer and notices that her laptop is now on her desk instead of beside her, "What are you doing?"

She feels her heart beating rapidly when he replies, "Reading."

"You shouldn't be reading my stuff, Sheldon. It's personal!"

"You always let me read your stuff," he's hurt and angry, but he's calm and it scares her. "Well this one wasn't finished; I was going to send it to you when it was finished."

His gaze narrows and she feels him stripping her bare, "No you weren't."

She didn't know when he grew the ability to tell when she was lying, but she hated it.

"Yes, I was," she's committed to her lie.

"Don't lie," and his voice starts to peel back, and she could hear the Texan accent coming out, and she knows she's done it.

"I'm not lying," she starts but then switches gears, "It's none of your business what I write about!" She suddenly gets angry because why did he even go through her personal belongings. He shouldn't have touched her laptop.

He finally stands to his feet and his voice raises, "When it's about me and what's going on in our relationship, I think I have the right to know!"

She matches him, "How dare you!" She stops because he's walking towards her, she's on her bed kneeling, and he's towering over her, and she could see the anguish in his eyes and the hurt and pain, and she regrets ever being the reason it's there.

"Is this how you really feel?" His voice is lowered, but it's deep and gravely and she's silent, staring at him, "Penny, is this how you really feel about us?" She doesn't say anything because she can't find the words. How is she an actress again?

She wishes she never even opened her laptop because it's hurting him and she wants to touch him but he's backing away from her physically, mentally, emotionally…and she sees he's retreating back behind his walls, "Goodnight, Penny."

He's exiting her bedroom and going for the front door, but she's right behind him, "Sheldon, please!" She's crying but he's not even looking at her. He slams the door behind him, and she crumbles to the floor in a heap. In his favourite t-shirt.

* * *

_This is not what Penny's email was about:_

Penny loves Sheldon. She wants to marry him and have children with him. They'll own a nice house with a picket white fence, and he'll have his Nobel Prize on a shelf with her Oscar Awards. They'll be perfect together, with the perfect family, perfect husband, perfect wife. Perfect life.

They'll be together and stay happy, forever.

Curtain falls.

* * *

_This is what happens when you know you've messed up:_

She's alone in the dark, and she has no choice but to face the truth.

And the truth is, she's afraid she doesn't love him. She's afraid he was only there when she needed him, someone, and things got crazy and escalated from there. She's afraid that their relationship will blow up so badly that their previous friendship will be unsalvageable, that their mutual friends will be forced to pick a side, and since they had known him longer, she'd be left alone.

She hated being alone.

She's afraid to tell her family she was dating Sheldon. They were never the most understanding group of people. What she fears more is him telling his family he was dating her. What if they didn't think she was enough, that Sheldon deserved more? She didn't want to feel worthless.

She knows she needs him, but she doesn't know how.

Penny's always been her own villain. She's her own problem, and there's no solution in sight.

He never comes back to her apartment, and he starts skipping Laundry Night. She knows he's avoiding her, and it breaks her heart to pieces that he's ruining his schedule just to avoid her. So, she does him a favour and stops coming around the apartment, it's the least she could do.

She books a flight and goes back to Nebraska. Her mom opens the door, and she drops her luggage and falls into her arms. She sobs and speaks incoherently.

She's messed up, and she has no idea how to fix it.


	4. IV

**IV.**

* * *

_This is how silence feels:_

No matter how hard you willed it not to, time went on. It was hard at first, really hard. No matter how hard things get, time still passes. Life isn't a show, you can't play a montage of you sleeping or working and suddenly it's a year, and things are better. You can't sleep your pain away and try to make your pain forgettable.

Because it won't be. It will never be.

Penny fills her entire schedule with work. Some time did pass actually, two months to be exact. Since then she found out her pilot was picked up and she was now capable of quitting the goddamn cheesecake factory, she was a main character. One of the top three actually. She was being paid enough to move out of the apartment as well.

She didn't want to.

Not yet.

In Nebraska she told her mother everything, her father and brother too. They were surprised, the last thing they knew of the tall scientist was he was a psycho physicist. Penny's words. So, Suzanne was confused when her daughter lay in her arms sobbing her heart out, confessing to messing up largely. Her mother wasn't much help, neither was her father. They were both too confused and shocked to find their Penny found love. Cause they knew it was love.

Surprisingly, her brother was the most helpful. He told her about a woman he loved and lost. He had a choice to sober up and be good for her, and he chose drugs. She left him without a second thought, and it took that for him to realize what he lost. He hadn't touched drugs since.

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."

But Penny didn't want to lose Sheldon. She loves him.

She stays in Nebraska for almost a month, and she calls him every day. He never answers, he's smart and knows it's her so he lets it ring endlessly, so she just leaves voicemails. Sometimes it's just of her breathing, and sometimes it's her telling him about her day. She desperately wishes he'd answer; she just wants to hear him.

His voicemail gets full.

It frustrates her enough to go back to Pasadena.

Her show is on air, and it's a hit. She's starting to get recognized on the street now, not often, but more than she used to –and she'll take it. It serves as a reminder that she's finally getting what she wants, she's finally made it. But she can't find it in herself to be happy about it. She's just too sad.

She speaks to Leonard still, Raj, and Howard too.

They're happy for her, and they all watch her show. Every Friday night, while eating Thai food. She wants to ask if Sheldon watches too, but she doesn't have to because Leonard tells her.

"No."

It breaks her heart, but she can't be surprised. She broke his.

She doesn't try to contact him anymore; it's been a year since she broke his heart. She's about to start filming season two of her show and she's actually excited for her it. Her pay has raised and her fanbase has grown exceptionally. Her show was nominated for an Emmy, and she has to attend. She's been able to put Sheldon out of her mind for long periods of time now, that's the biggest feat of it all.

So, she's surprised when Bernadette calls her one day, her voice not as high-pitched, "Amy and Sheldon are dating."

She drops the phone.

Of course, he watches her show, he's so proud of her and he wants nothing more than to tell her just that. But he's hurt, and he knows he shouldn't be because despite how much he loves her, he understands her worries and insecurities. Their relationship did start rather spontaneously, and even though their chemistry was intense, they still had yet to discuss the status of their relationship. He sighs, he should've made her sign a relationship agreement.

He knew she left for Nebraska too. He saw her wheeling her luggage out of 4B and he almost opened his door and begged her not to leave, but he knew they both needed this space. So, he let her go.

The entire month she was gone, he wanted to call her. He even snuck into her apartment and fell asleep in her bed a few nights. He missed her smell and missed her touch.

He was thankful she started calling and leaving voicemails. It filled his heart.

Then his inbox got full and they stopped.

He noticed she stopped trying to contact him when she got home, and he wondered if he had punished her too much. Did he officially push her away? He tells himself it's what she deserved; she should've spoken to him about her concerns. But then he remembers, it was her outlet and he betrayed her privacy.

He sees her kiss her co-star on TV and he gets jealous.

He knows he shouldn't be, because it's fake and it's just TV. But he gets possessive when he sees her blonde male co-star place his hands on her waist, pulling her into him. He's angry. Was this why she stopped contacting him? Was this why he no longer had to go out of his way to avoid her? Because she was now involved with someone else?

He calls Amy Farrah Fowler.

Penny arrives home after the Emmy's, they won. _Best New TV Show. Favourite Break-out Actress. Favourite on Screen Kiss._ She took home three Emmy's, and she was on a high she never knew she could feel. Her life was going right, and she was happy. She missed Sheldon, a lot, but he didn't want to see her, and he was now dating Amy…she supposed she had to respect that.

She climbs the four flights of stairs in her long dress, a silly smile on her face. As she reaches the landing for the fourth floor she bumps into a solid chest, and it sends a wave of electricity through her body. She immediately tenses, she knew that feeling.

They look at each other, unsure of how to proceed. It had been an entire year since either of them had seen or spoken to each other. Things were different.

She knew it wasn't possible, but he seemed taller. More mature. His jawline was sharper, his hair a bit longer and slightly tousled. His shoulders broader, and his eyes…his eyes bluer.

Sheldon felt his chest clenching. He had to remember how to breathe.

She stood in front of him, eyes large and as bright as burning boron. She looked healthy, and happy, and he didn't know if that hurt him or made him proud. He glanced down at the three awards in her arms, and decided he felt proud. She was accomplishing things she always wanted to.

It was her that spoke up first.

"I'm moving in two months, to New York. My show is being picked up for a second season, this is a really big opportunity for me and I'm going to take it.

He doesn't reply, doesn't look her in her eyes, so she continues, "I knew for some time now. I'm sorry I never told you, but you never responded to me. In a way, I'm glad you didn't, because if you did and we reconciled I wouldn't have left. Not after I got you back."

She sighs deeply and moves towards her door, "I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry for that Sheldon. I never meant for you to read that email. I wish I could say I'd take it all back, but I wouldn't. This thing we had really scared me, Sheldon," she chuckled humorlessly, "I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I can't even tell you why it scared me." She shrugs and he looks away.

She can't find it in herself to cry, because she's done enough of that over the last year. So, she just looks at him, silently begging him to look at her –but he doesn't. So, she just nods, "I'm happy for you and Amy, by the way. I'm happy you were able to move on," she tells him, and just because it looks like he's not hurting like the way she was, she says, "I hope one day I'll be able to move on too."

Then closes the door behind her.

He's gathered many things from this encounter, but mostly he's learned one thing: he's an idiot.

* * *

_This is not the cliché ending:_

Sheldon shows up at the airport right before Penny boards the plane with a bouquet of yellow tulips (those are her favourite). He's out of breath, but Penny's about to get on the plane, and he yells out her name and she stops and turns around, everything is in slow motion and she cries because there he is.

He came for her.

She runs to him; everyone is watching as they part and make way for the young lovers. She jumps into his arms, he catches her, they kiss. They apologize to each other over and over again, and they show each other just how much they mean their apology when he takes them back to his apartment.

They move in together, and they live happily ever after.

Curtain falls.

* * *

_This is what restoring looks like:_

Sheldon doesn't go to the airport.

Penny doesn't expect him to. She doesn't even think about it happening, so she keeps her head held high and boards the plane. She's better than that.

She moves into her new loft, and she's happy because this is what she's wanted all along. She places her Emmy's on an empty shelf and takes a picture of them. She sends it to her family in Nebraska and they're proud of her.

"You did it, Penny."

She did.

It's been three months and she starts pouring herself into her work, and people are noticing. She's acting better than she ever did during season one and her director is proud of her. The writers start giving her more lines and her agent calls her telling her another show has expressed interest in her. It won't take much of her time like the one she's starring in now, but it'll pay just as much. She's eager when she accepts the audition.

It's in Sweden. She doesn't even think about the email she received from Leonard telling her Sheldon had done it, he finally won a Nobel Prize.

She doesn't even think about the fact her audition takes place a few days prior to his ceremony. She doesn't even think about that when she's booking her ticket.

She talks to her boys when she can, and Bernadette nearly daily. She talks to Amy but tries to keep their conversations to a minimum. She really didn't want to hear about her and Sheldon's love life.

So, when she calls, she rolls her eyes but answers anyways.

"Sheldon broke up with me, Bestie," she's sobbing. Her heart is broken because the man she loved broke up with her. But Penny is smiling.

It's a few days before she is set to leave for Sweden, and her email dings. She thinks it's Leonard, but her heart stops when she sees it's from Sheldon instead. The subject line is empty, but when she opens it there's a ten-digit number there, underneath reads: my new number.

It's simple, but it gets her heart beating faster.

She calls it and he answer almost immediately. They don't say anything, and all they can hear is breathing and static. Finally, he says, "I'm going to Sweden."

"I know."

Penny is exhausted when she finishes her audition, but she's excited too because in a few days she'll be at the concert hall where they hold the ceremony for the Nobel Prize winners. She looks at the dress she picked out and smiles, she hopes it goes the way she planned. They'll see each other, they'll talk things out, and hopefully get their friendship back.

It doesn't.

She's standing in the lobby of the hall and sees the crowd filled with smart people she doesn't recognize. Those aren't _her smart people_. There's press there too, and though she's not a big celebrity, they do know of her. She frowns, maybe she shouldn't have come.

Then the hairs on the back of her neck stand, and she gets that feeling in her stomach and knees. She senses him before she sees him, and she feels his stare before she turns around.

"You came…"

His voice is low, and she turns to look at him. He's handsome, he's in a black suit much like the one he wore during the tenure dinner. She looks up at him and nods, "I wouldn't miss this," she tells him honestly, "I'm so proud of you."

She doesn't say anything when he takes her purse from her and places it on the table beside them. She especially doesn't say his name when he pulls her into him and kisses her so passionately that she can't breathe. He doesn't say anything when she runs her hands through his hair, effectively messing it up.

In fact, they don't say anything for a long time.

* * *

_This is the conclusion:_

They move in together.

They buy a forever home in New York, and Amy and Leonard feel shocked and betrayed but Leonard not so much because he seen this coming when they picked Penny up from the airport the first time so many years ago.

They argue over furniture choices and placement, and teddy bears and dolls, and "yes they are dolls, Sheldon!"

They get a new bed, one large enough for them both but still in the middle of the night they migrate to the middle and invade each other's personal space.

It's hard and easy, but mostly hard. They fight still, because she's still scared, and he's scared that she's scared and it's just this never-ending cycle that they can't escape from. But she _loves_ him, that she's sure of. So sure of it that she doesn't hesitate to say "yes," when he asks her to marry him.

He gets a job at NYU as a science professor, rather easily. He says it's because they'd be stupid to deny his genius, she says it's because he won a Nobel Prize and they want the good rep. He watches her shows unashamedly, and admits he always did in the first place when she suggests he starts from season one. They kiss and roll around in their sheets after that.

They argue about where to place her Emmy's and his Nobel Prize and other awards, but they settle on a display case in the living room, overlooking everything else. Sheldon was no fool, the display case had a lock. "No New York heathen is going to get the best of me!"

They're sitting in their living room; she's admiring her engagement ring and he's admiring her.

"I shouldn't have read it."

It takes her a minute because it's been so long, but her face softens when she realizes what he's talking about, "No, but in a way I'm glad you did."

He kisses her, wrapping an arm around her waist. He pulls her onto his lap, and she moans.

"I love you."

Her eyes are glossy, and she's unsure of why she's feeling emotional, but she smiles, "I love you."

"Good." He kisses her.

His students all graduate with top marks, because no student of Sheldon Cooper's was going to fail. He liked to say it was because he didn't want his reputation to fail him, but deep down it was because he cared. Penny started filming the third season, and the further the show got the more exposure she got. Bernadette even told her the manager from the cheesecake factory even posted her photo on their wall under 'notable employees'.

They go back to Pasadena to visit, and they realize their friends are moving on in life as well. Raj had gone back to India to marry a sweet woman, and they both moved to California in their own home. Howard and Bernadette had their first-born child together, while Leonard and Amy found solace in each other's arms while grieving the loss of their _supposed-to-be _partners, and while not engaged Amy was about to give birth to their son any day now.

Everyone was happy, and everyone was solid in their foundation.

It wasn't perfect, but this was happiness.


End file.
